Last week, I got my desk moved to the other side of the office. While I am a little further from the coffee machine, bathrooms and that lady who always keeps a candy dish on her desk, I have upgraded to an obstructed view of central park and a community bottle of Tapatio owned by the Spanish agency I now neighbor.

As the salad days are beginning to dawn upon my new home, the sobering news I have to now adjust to is that I lost the empty neutral desk used as a storage space between the desks of one of my bosses and I. No amount of LinkedIn credentials can tell the story of my career the way the nick-knacks on my desk do.  That neutral space was the tomb, the stuff was the gold and mummified cats and I was Tutankhamun posted up like a king. Analogies aside, with the smaller location I can’t keep the items with my new space.

Since the internet is a good place to go online shopping, I wanted to offer the items for sale so you too can work like people like me.

A Michelin Man Bobble Head – Was passed down to me from my former superior who used it to prop up her Barbie doll. Head can bobble for 8 seconds at most. Made out of hard plastic that smells funny. Price $21

A Barbie Doll with a thigh tattoo – Used by my former superior to prop up her Michelin man. Head does not bobble. Price: $15

One 15 lb weight – Weighs 15 pounds or 6.80389 Kilograms if you are European. Can make your arm tired and boss intimidated if you lift it a lot. Price: £15

Giant bag of CB2 pillows – Can confirm, are soft. Much softer than my desk neighbor’s giant bag of Ikea pillows. Price: 300mg of Adderall.

1TB Hard Drive once owned by Paralympic Gold Medalist Heath Calhoun – In a shipping envelope that reads, “Please mail back to Heath Calhoun when finished.” – Price $20

Y&R branded Kippah – Features the Y&R logo surrounded by flames. Size: Medium. Price: $35

Mystery box of Fisher-Price toys – Comes with a nourished childhood followed by crippling depression over the inevitability of aging. Toys are still in their original packaging. Price: $100.

:60 Live Read Radio Copy Script – My short copywriter career features a number of accolades such as the following: coming up with the name of my pet snake, getting a B on a college paper on post-Nazi Germany and over 20 years of literacy. While the script died because it was submitted a little too late, I can safely say it would fetch a Cannes Bronze Lion. Price $69

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There is a lot of beautiful scenery across this country that goes unnoticed.

Gorgeous mountain roads, rich farmland neighborhoods and awesome radio programming are being neglected and unenjoyed by drivers trying to get from point A to B as fast as possible.

So please, take the scenic route home…and register for the Run in the Corn 5K on October 18th in Schaghticoke, New York.

Each runner…is granted entrance to a cross-country race that starts around and through the beautiful Liberty Ridge Farm in and plunges deep into one of the largest corn mazes in the U.S. for a 3.1 mile journey from start to finish.

If you register now, you will get a $5 discount to the farm experience including rides and barnyard games for the whole family. A portion of the proceeds go to support the Make A Wish Foundation North East chapter.

So…learn to love the scenic route. Because if you don’t, you will never finish.  

Go to runinthecorn dot com to sign up.

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Act now because prices will rise arbitrarily.

-Dangerous Dan